"Les bonnes vieilles traditions Americaines!"

Nico sent me a great newspaper ad for a grocery store in France. Here are two of the four pages of the ad. I just LOVE the "American" products they are offering! Hot dogs in a jar! Onion rings! 1000 island salad dressing! Even the girl looks so American! ;)

"I see" said the blind man peeing into the wind, "It's all coming back to me now".

As I lay in bed last night I was suddenly overcome by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and nausea. I thought I had been drifting off to sleep but I must have been thinking about Nico. And as I lay there in the dark with a knot in my stomach and a hole in my heart I was hit with the realization that people's lives are a series of patterns, each one repeated unless a conscious effort is made to stop the cycle. I don't know how I didn't see it before, but last night my subconscious had figured it out for me and wanted me to know even if that meant waking me up from my near peaceful slumber.

You see, I had thought that having a new girlfriend - and moving in with her - so quickly was unusual behavior and while it might be for some people it certainly isn't for Nico because he had recently gotten out of a serious relationship (citing irreconcilable differences, I do believe) when he met and moved in with me. Curious!

While my subconscious was clever enough to find the pattern (don't ask me why I never noticed this myself) its too bad it wasn't clever enough to find the reason behind the pattern.

I guess that might be a bit much to ask, eh? ;)

Letting go

I was just sitting around the house watching TV tonight when it really hit me.

Holy Crap.

He LIVES with her.

As I sat on my couch and looked around I realized that I still had a lot of framed pictures of Nico in my apartment and as fabulous as the photos are (he is quite the handsome devil and we took some wonderful photos together) I decided at that moment that it was time to take them down.

It was quite the task but I moved from room to room, took the photos out of their frames and put them into an already half full album of us which I tucked beside my couch with the other albums from my past. The only thing left is the caricature of us that was drawn in St. Malo shortly after we got together in 2003 that hangs in my bathroom. I love this 'picture' and couldn't quite bring myself to take it down. Not today. But soon.

The truth can set you free

It finally happened. Nico called me today and dropped the bomb: Hes moved in with his girlfriend.

Even though we hadn't talked about it, I figured he was probably seeing someone. And while it does come as a bit of a shock that he has moved in with her already I can't say that I am surprised.

When I dropped him off at the airport in January I watched him walk away with a part of my heart that I knew I would never get back again. I said my own goodbye - even though he was already gone when the words left my lips. We never talked about what was to come, what was lost or what was left behind. He went his way and I went mine.

Over the past few months we have kept in touch - but only about once a month and never to discuss anything more serious than the weather, life in Cesson or here in San Francisco. I was careful not to ask any personal questions about girls or dating because I wasn't sure that I really wanted to hear the answers and my own belief that he was probably dating someone was enough.

But even though in my head I had come to terms with the way things are in my heart it was still hard to hear the news today. I think I handled it well though; I kept myself composed and only shed a few tears after we hung up. After all, like Nico said: "C'est la vie".

I am honestly happy for him though. He's moved on with his life, and thats a great thing for him. I'm moving on with mine too, just at a much slower pace, and thats ok because its what feels right for me.

I am glad he called today, it was nice to have a chance to talk, and maybe it was just what I needed to free myself to take those next steps in making a new life with someone else. Not that I have been holding myself back until now on purpose, but maybe now my heart will be more open to meeting someone and starting something new.

Finding that someone has proven to be tricky thus far (I haven't met anyone!) but I guess there are always good things to come in this crazy thing called life. And maybe now I'm ready.

Gold Country

La , j'suis pret a trouver de l'or ! y a plus qu'a descendre dans la mine



casques obligatoire , pas tres esthetique c'est vrai !!!!!!



elles sont ou les pepites d'or ?????



Qu'est-ce qui fait sombre ici !!!!



C'est moi le co-pilote ! direction le centre de la terre !!!



Comme au temps du far west , les voitures en plus !



Un saloon ou on n'a pas pu s'empecher de s'arreter...















il manque plus que les cow boys et les indiens !!!!







Encore un saloon ....



toujours le meme saloon !

Our trip to Monterey

Moi face a l'ocean Pacifique dans la baie de Monterey



My sweet au meme endroit



Nico face au symbole de Pebble Beach : " the lone cypress "



My sweet devant "the lone cypress"



Pebble Beach Resorts : the 18th hole !



My sweet dans la baie de Carmel



nous avions faim alors nous nous sommes arretes a " la taverne du pelican"



Petit tour en bateau pour apercevoir des baleines !!!!



Jumelles , casquette du Texas , j'attends les baleines !



Quelqu'un nous attendais a l'arrivee au port !!!!

IT'S DONE ! I'M IN CALIFORNIA !

Hello everybody,
ca y est c'est fait , je suis en Californie mais le voyage fut assez long et penible ! mais bon faut bien passer par la ...
Arrive a Washington j'suis reste 1h30 a l'immigration a attendre de passer devant un douanier pour me questionner , ca a dure 5 mn mais il a fallut courir dans l'aeroport pour prendre ma correspondance ! enfin jai eu mon avion pour San Francisco mais malheureusement ma valise n'a pas suivi et ce matin j'ai toujours pas ma valise !!!! j'croyais que ca n'arrivait que chez Air France des trucs pareil ....
Enfin jai bon espoir d'avoir mes bagages ce matin ( j'espere qu'ils ont pas touche a mes bouteilles de vin et a mon foie gras )
Hier soir j'ai deja mange mon 1er cheeseburger mais un vrai ( un truc enorme ) et ma 1ere pinte de biere ! et ce matin reveil a 7hoo et j'suis alle chercher une baguette et 2 croissants : tres bon mais tres cher ( 7$20 !!!!!!! )
Voila ma 1ere soiree et ma 1ere matinee aux States , maintenant courage et patience pour la valise ......
a bientot
NICO

The time has finally come!

I just a little over 24 hours Nico will be here!

I'm very excited to see him and for him to finally see where I live!

I pick him up at the airport tomorrow night and then I'm on vacation for a whole week. We have some fun things planned for next week including a trip to the beach, a whale watching boat trip, wine tasting with my brother and his girlfriend and double pedicures.

I'll try to be a good girl and post about our adventures. Stay tuned!