Morning Massacre

On my way to my car this morning I stopped at the garbage can to throw something away and when I opened the lid I found the inside of the can was teeming with ants! I hate ants!

Seeing this unleashed an uncontrollable urge to kill so I put my purse in the car and walked back up to my apartment to get the RAID.

Back at the can I followed the trail of ants under the stairs, around my car and along the side fence to a place that disappeared under the bushes. I walked the trail a couple of times - looking at the zillions of ants that were frantically making their way to their last supper.

After a minute or two of gleeful scheming about their demise I took aim with the can of raid and blew those fuckers right off the map grinning wildly as I replaced their innocent little ant trail with a blast of poisonous goodness. I sprayed so much raid all over the driveway that I gave myself a headache but it was totally worth it.

When I got home this evening I looked in the can again but this time only found a handful of desperate, lost, trapped ants going in circles because they can't get out of the can without crossing the glorious poison barrier!

ME - 1 Ants - 0

"I see" said the blind man peeing into the wind, "It's all coming back to me now".

As I lay in bed last night I was suddenly overcome by an overwhelming feeling of sadness and nausea. I thought I had been drifting off to sleep but I must have been thinking about Nico. And as I lay there in the dark with a knot in my stomach and a hole in my heart I was hit with the realization that people's lives are a series of patterns, each one repeated unless a conscious effort is made to stop the cycle. I don't know how I didn't see it before, but last night my subconscious had figured it out for me and wanted me to know even if that meant waking me up from my near peaceful slumber.

You see, I had thought that having a new girlfriend - and moving in with her - so quickly was unusual behavior and while it might be for some people it certainly isn't for Nico because he had recently gotten out of a serious relationship (citing irreconcilable differences, I do believe) when he met and moved in with me. Curious!

While my subconscious was clever enough to find the pattern (don't ask me why I never noticed this myself) its too bad it wasn't clever enough to find the reason behind the pattern.

I guess that might be a bit much to ask, eh? ;)

Curious?

I'm as morbid as the next guy but even I find this to be unsettling.

The future of television

I went to the Shell Station down the street from my house the other morning and as I climbed out of my car and started to open the gas cap I was startled by the sound of a familiar TV commercial coming from the pump.

When I looked up, I noticed a monitor on the gas pump! I was quite surprised as I had been to this same station the week before and at that time it was only a gas station. Now however, it has become a multi-tasking gas & media marketplace. I can buy a snack, pick up a magazine, pay for my gas and watch GSTV as I wait!

???

Starbucks Hell

I went for a coffee run to Starbucks this afternoon with a guy from work. They do that quite often, and I never go, but today I felt like getting out of the office so I tagged along. I wasn't going to get anything, I don't usually drink coffee, but I thought "what the hell" and I ordered a Mocha - the first "coffee" I've had since I've been back in the states (thats one year and 3 months for those of you that haven't been counting). It was warm and mocha-y but nothing fabulous - definitely not something I want to get in the habit of drinking.

Later, back at the office, my body reminded me why I don't like to drink coffee.

Ugh.

If I ever wanted to know what it is going to feel like right before I die, this is it.

If you are looking for me tonight, I'll be in the bathroom.

And I am never going to Starbucks again. Lesson learned!

To vacation or not to vacation.

I've been shopping around for flights for my upcoming trip to Amsterdam in September but I'm having trouble deciding if I should take a bit of vacation after the show since I will already be in Europe on the company dime. I was throwing around the idea of heading back to Rennes/Cesson for a few days but I think I've decided against that.

I have also though about maybe going to Paris or taking off for another city in Europe but I'd be alone so I don't know if that would be all that fun either.

Of course, maybe I'll be tired and missing Slizzy and I might want to just come home.

I guess I just need to make a decision. At the moment, coming straight home seems like the best option.

Unless any of you want to meet me in Paris? Copenhagen? Cologne?

My weekend

I went to a BBQ at a co-workers house out in the hills near the coast today.

Lots of people from work showed up with their families - kids, wives, etc.

It was a nice day, although to be honest, with all those kids running around it wasn't all that relaxing!

I've been home for a few hours and now I'm watching TV with MY family (the Slizz).

Woo!

The end is near

Its 10:00 AM and UPS just delivered my new Harry Potter book! (Slizzy enjoyed rubbing her face on it for a few minutes.)



Let the reading begin!

Tidbits

Yesterday was a weird day.

As I left my apartment in the morning to head to work I stepped out my front door and found this on my porch (Thanks Dad!):


In the excitement of actually finding something waiting for me outside my door I picked up the package and headed off to the car without locking my front door.

As I drove away I thought "did I forget to lock the front door?" I wasn't sure, but I didn't really have time to turn around and go back so I just let it go.

Sure enough, when I got home last night I walked right in without having to look for my keys. It was quite handy actually as I had had a few beers and my keys were probably lost in the bottomless pit that I pretend is my purse.

Regarding the drinks, I went out with a couple of guys from work. We had a fun time and I was home by 10:30 or so. I certainly didn't want to get up this morning though. I'm getting old.

And finally, Slizzy has been sneezing up a storm (yesterday and today). If she is still sneezing when I get home tonight I may have to take her to the vet for a check-up.

Have a good weekend!

Stop the itsy-bitsy-insanity!

There is a commercial on TV for Yoplait yogurt that absolutely makes me insane.

I'm sure you know the one: there is a girl, in a bathing suit, carrying around an inflatable raft.......and the song that plays in the back ground is itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot-bikini.

Stop. Picture the bikini in your mind. Go.

Answer me this: Do you imagine that the bikini is yellow with polka dots of another color? Or do you imagine that the polka dots on the bikini are yellow?

I think the freakin' polka dots are yellow! Not the damn bikini - and this commercial forces a yellow bikini with red polka dots on me and it just turns my world upside down!

What do you think? (besides that I'm crazy) Yellow bikini or Yellow dots?

Leave your opinion in the comments if you like.

I AM the starter wife....

....only I've never actually been the wife. Maybe I'm the Pre-Wife. Whatever.

If I was a betting man (er...woman) and a smart one at that, I'd bet my every last red cent that Nico will end up marrying this girl.

Lets look at the statistics:

Nearly every (semi-serious to serious) boyfriend I have ever had has ended the relationship with me and then married his next girlfriend.

#0. High School: We broke up; who knows what happened; no one in their right mind would marry him (I guess this one doesn't exactly fit my mold. Lets count this as zero so as not to ruin my count - we were both much too young anyway; and he was completely psycho)
#1. College: He dropped out of school; we broke up; new girlfriend; got married in a year; now divorced (so I hear)
#2. College: We broke up; he went back to his old girlfriend; married her
#3. College: We broke up; new girlfriend; married her
#4. College: We broke up; new girlfriend; they broke up; got back together and got married
#5. After College: We broke up; new girlfriend; got married within a year and had a baby!
#6. Now: We broke up; new girlfriend; he already lives with her; ................

Does anyone see a pattern here?

I mean really.

I was watching TV over the weekend and there was a preview of the upcoming "Scott Baio is 45 and single". They show him sitting with Erin Moran and she asks him "Do you like people?" and after he squirms a bit, I'm sure deciding if he should tell the truth or not, he laughs and says "No". She tells him that THAT is why he is still single.

I laughed out loud.

King Midas touched things and they turned to gold - I touch men and they turn in to someone else's husband.

There has got to be a book deal in there somewhere.

BREAKING NEWS: Emily leaves the house and has fun!!

I went to the city tonight to have dinner with this guy I met in Las Vegas in April and....hold your breath.........wait for it........ I had FUN!

Don't go getting all excited though - it wasn't a date or anything - more like a business dinner. I guess they call that "networking" but I wouldn't know much about it because I usually try to steer clear of all things work related. :) Anyway, he actually lives in Tokyo but was in town for a show so I met him and one of his coworkers for dinner and drinks in the city. We had sushi and beer and it was fun!

Makes me think: maybe I should get out more! (Now I'll wait for it.................DUH! )

Letting go

I was just sitting around the house watching TV tonight when it really hit me.

Holy Crap.

He LIVES with her.

As I sat on my couch and looked around I realized that I still had a lot of framed pictures of Nico in my apartment and as fabulous as the photos are (he is quite the handsome devil and we took some wonderful photos together) I decided at that moment that it was time to take them down.

It was quite the task but I moved from room to room, took the photos out of their frames and put them into an already half full album of us which I tucked beside my couch with the other albums from my past. The only thing left is the caricature of us that was drawn in St. Malo shortly after we got together in 2003 that hangs in my bathroom. I love this 'picture' and couldn't quite bring myself to take it down. Not today. But soon.

Happy Friday the 13th!

Y'all watch out for those black cats now. We don't want anyones path to be crossed!

Mini weight update: I'm down 16 pounds since April! Woo!

The truth can set you free

It finally happened. Nico called me today and dropped the bomb: Hes moved in with his girlfriend.

Even though we hadn't talked about it, I figured he was probably seeing someone. And while it does come as a bit of a shock that he has moved in with her already I can't say that I am surprised.

When I dropped him off at the airport in January I watched him walk away with a part of my heart that I knew I would never get back again. I said my own goodbye - even though he was already gone when the words left my lips. We never talked about what was to come, what was lost or what was left behind. He went his way and I went mine.

Over the past few months we have kept in touch - but only about once a month and never to discuss anything more serious than the weather, life in Cesson or here in San Francisco. I was careful not to ask any personal questions about girls or dating because I wasn't sure that I really wanted to hear the answers and my own belief that he was probably dating someone was enough.

But even though in my head I had come to terms with the way things are in my heart it was still hard to hear the news today. I think I handled it well though; I kept myself composed and only shed a few tears after we hung up. After all, like Nico said: "C'est la vie".

I am honestly happy for him though. He's moved on with his life, and thats a great thing for him. I'm moving on with mine too, just at a much slower pace, and thats ok because its what feels right for me.

I am glad he called today, it was nice to have a chance to talk, and maybe it was just what I needed to free myself to take those next steps in making a new life with someone else. Not that I have been holding myself back until now on purpose, but maybe now my heart will be more open to meeting someone and starting something new.

Finding that someone has proven to be tricky thus far (I haven't met anyone!) but I guess there are always good things to come in this crazy thing called life. And maybe now I'm ready.

Tara

Another weekend movie

I went to see Ratatouille over the weekend and it was quite lovely.

I saw the movie with my aunt and my cousins in the Sebastiani Theatre in downtown Sonoma - just off the square.

I laughed, I cried (I'm a total cry baby, remember?), and I loved it.

I can't wait until it comes out on DVD now because I'd like to see it in French!

(I forgot to post last week that I also saw 1408 (loved it) and Ocean's 13 (eh). I need to pick something to go see this weekend with Tara!)